Why you don’t want to get married ?

 

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Why you don’t want to get married?
You are 19. This is the right age. The younger you marry, better it is for you.

I wish I could tell you this but I respect you so….with her lips sealed, she broods over ….

“~~~yes I am 19…that enkindles me with a hope.
A hope to fly with my wings to chase my dreams.
A hope to be me and topple and stumble and arise and learn to live fully, by being me.
A hope to explore and to enlighten myself to face this resilient world ahead.
And a hope to grow; grow into a woman well-grounded yet with a voice. ~~~”

You have crossed even 18 now.
When will you have some wisdom?
Why don’t you understand it’s your life?

With a deep sigh yet unruffled demeanour, she ruminates…..

“~~~Yes, I am aware I am above 18(legal age for girls to get married in India). As far as legalities are concerned, are you aware that forced marriage is a violation of fundamental Human Rights? That implies I have the freedom to choose whether I get married or not, when to get married, and whom to get married.

Obviously, marriage will not infuse wisdom into my mind, may be time and life experiences will but how is it concerned with being married or not!
I understand too it’s my life and that’s why I don’t want to comply on this. Getting married is a choice and I reason out that I have the right to make crucial choices about my own life. ~~~”

Don’t you see, Nina already got married and nicely settled in New York. Why it is that you don’t want to get married?

If only I could tell you this aloud but I love you so as it might hurt you..words playing all over her mind, she is thinking….

~~~To make you feel better, perhaps Nina always waited for this Prince Charming from time immemorial. Or may be she was choiceless. This might hurt you though! Now I remember why in the whole world New York was her favourite destination! ~~~”

Haven’t you studied for 15 long years? What is it with all these unnecessary excuses you got? More studies? What is the use of higher studies, when after marriage all you have to do is to raise kids and take care of your family which is so important?

With a heavy heart and sullen face, henceforth she ponders….

 “~~~Oh yes I knew this was coming! Interpretations like this makes me feel numb at one side and on the other to revolt with whatever strength I got. It makes me cry, makes me scream, scream it out. But then I realise that somewhere you have lost your own voice, your own self with years of conditioned mind and prejudiced heart toying all over you. So I feel helpless for you and care to remain speechless.

Fifteen long years..let me rethink….that makes my sweet little brother got only three more years to pursue his education. But how on earth, can he be a doctor or an engineer as much as you desperately want him to be going by this ’15 long years’ logic. Or is it that he is entitled for more than 15 years to seek for whatever he aspires to be!

Now I realise that the scope for any kind of pursuit of knowledge and learning has to be eyed through blue&pink colour scheme(gender specific). How dumb I can get! It’s there for a long long time, so why question? Does it even matter if I say that I am all flesh and blood with a heart and soul too just as much as him!

And the thing you said about family; Raising kids and taking care of family is a big, big responsibility and requires tremendous maturity and endurance. I honour those family values. With kids, It’s like little life in your hand. And I am not prepared for it.~~~”

I just pray that everything is normal with you! I am asking you now, don’t play with my patience. Why don’t you put some words in your mouth and respond instead standing there mum like a figurine, from that time? 

With a colour of mischief in her eyes she playfully muses…

~~~Normal! What does that mean now! Oh, I so get it! Thank God you didn’t scout my personal diary which still got that post card of Cristiano Ronaldo intact… He is so…. I feel flushed now. Let’s talk something else~~~”

But then suddenly she collects her bearing. With those doleful eyes tearless yet drowned with melancholia… words floating all through her veins, she deeply reflects…..

“~~~There is so much to say. But will you understand what I mean to say!
Would you open your mind whole heartedly to embrace fresh new unbiased ideas?
Would you be my confidant and guide and let me be what I want to be?
I just want to live a fulfilled life. Will you take that from me just because I am a girl!
And have trust on me as I will never break your trust. If you would then I have so much to say…
As much as you think I am against marriage, to your surprise, I value marriage. Marriage is an institution in itself and it brings meaning to your life. With marriage starts a new chapter in your life,momentous and delicate and appeals for lifelong commitment and calls for two different shared life.
I don’t want to get married just to settle down. Neither I want to get married to follow a religious convention or to maintain a traditional belief.
I don’t want to get married to enhance my individual status or identity; just for the sake of being called Mrs…and definitely not for some economic or immigration benefit(I just hope Nina is happy there!).

At 19, I barely know myself. Whenever I want to jump the wagon or decide to get married, I want to do it for all the right reasons. I want to get married too but for love, for togetherness, for commitment, for a family of my own, for someone whom I can trust and devote no matter what, for time perpetual.

Haven’t you heard ‘Happily ever after’ is not a fairy tale….it’s a choice.
I will be glad, if you did rather asked me :

Why you don’t want to get married ‘Now‘?

How I wish I could have told you all this and more! But somewhere I am aware that it’s pointless and moreover I choose not to distress you so. ~~~”

This time you better respond as Why you don’t want to get married?

“~~~I thought….In my silence, you will find my confession and my utterance as I was sure you will understand that. But if you still insist…~~~”

And finally for the first time, she retorts aloud:

“Because, I don’t want to be another you.”

Only god can help you!

With a spring in her step and raring to go,  she picks up her Canvas Jute college bag and chuckles confidently,

God helps those who help themselves.”

 

 

Ref: The genesis of this short fiction comes from a real life incident. In certain stratum of society, the sad truth lingers; when a boy is born, there’s jubilation, songs of success and prayers for his bright future but with the birth of a girl, the first thing which crosses parent’s mind is her marriage. As if a girl is born to get married. An inexperienced, immature girl is emotionally coerced to get married in her early young age pressurised by these partial standards. It’s a vicious cycle and a blow to her self-worth. With this practice, a path towards individual aspiration and self-realisation is brazenly compromised just because she is a girl. How justifiable or reasonable is that?

Girl Unborn – The Monologue


 There are issues close to my heart and then some, closer and one out of them is – Female Foeticide. I know words are not enough, neither the measures yet. There were dialogues and deliberations… I present this poem in form of a monologue, where the unborn girl child pleas to her mother, who she hopes will be her saviour:

Girl Unborn – The Monologue  

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You are precious,
So very precious to me.

I see the morning light through your precious eyes
With the nimble birds chorus sublime.
I smell the distant muddy rain,
Which drizzled all through the night.
I hear those quite lullabys you cry
Which makes my feeble heart to sigh.

Those unsweetened condiments you nibble
Is too unsavoury for me to fiddle.
And then the loving touch…
When your fingers unconsciously brush by.
I lived all the senses through you
till the creator commands us to untie.

Does the lofty full moon reflects stillness
Like quoted in the songs of temple minstrel?
Does the sky holds limitless
Like my desire for this new bloom of life to rekindle?

Does the flower that blossoms,
blushes like the crimson of my heart?
Does the hustle and bustle around
Have a face, name or a cast(role to play)?

The questions?
So many unanswered….
And the marvels of life,
I seek to unfold through me.
I sensed my life through you.
How I yearn to live through me!

Then I hear voices –
Colored, unyielding and hideous.
I catch whispers –
Biased, cold-hearted and heinous.
The subtle line between
life and death
Seems so pretentious.

Amidst all the schemes and deception
I sense your anxious heart
Mourning for a direction.
Aching for the salvation.

Break all the shackles of bondages,
Unleash all the strings.
For the love of bond we share,
For the sake of countless silent prayers,
For the angst we heaped together,
“What your bearer did for you,
Won’t you do that for me, Mother?”

You are precious,
So very precious to me.
Am I precious to you?
I sensed my life through you
How I yearn to live through me!

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[Every 12 seconds, a baby girl is aborted in India. That’s about 7,000 girls killed every day, just because she is a girl child. Female foeticide has eliminated fifty million of girls in last century in India alone. Dr. Sabu George, India’s leading advocate against female infanticide says, “A daughter is considered a liability in some part, and nobody wants too many liabilities in the house”. The child sex ratio is within the normal natural range in all eastern and southern states of India, but significantly higher in certain western and particularly northwestern states such as Punjab, Haryana and Jammu & Kashmir. As per the latest Census in the year 2011, the total female sex ratio in India is 940 per 1000 males. Abnormal sex ratios at birth, possibly explained by growing incidence of sex-selective abortion, have also been noted in other countries widespread such as South and East Asia, China, Pakistan, Vietnam, Azerbaijan, Armenia, Georgia and some Southeast European countries too.

Despite these horrific numbers, foetal sex determination and sex selective abortion by unethical medical professionals has today grown into a Rs. 1,000 crore industry (US$ 244 million). Abortion is legal in India. Sex-selective abortion, however, is illegal but widely common. The impact is devastating, with census figures showing the child sex ratios getting worse. The Indian government has passed Pre-Conception and Pre-natal Diagnostic Techniques (Regulation and Prevention of Misuse) (PCPNDT) Act in 2004 to ban and punish prenatal sex screening and female foeticide. It is currently illegal in India to determine or disclose sex of the foetus. However, there are concerns that PCPNDT Act has been poorly enforced by authorities. There have been only two convictions — a fine of 300 rupees ($7) and another fine of 4,000 rupees ($98) — from over 400 cases lodged under the PCPNDT Act.

Social organisations across the globe are working day and night to put an end to this horrific act, which if not stopped will contribute more to problems such as, rape, human trafficking, abuse, child marriages and increased crime rate because of natural sex ratio imbalance.]

Citing Sources [http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/world/2012/June/Disappearing-Daughters-Indias-Female-Feticide/] & [http://globalgirlpower.org/what-is-female-feticide/]